|Thoughts by Friends on Universal Mailing list.
||* The Celtic red fox pads out of the darkness, and places a white
candle on the nearby fireplace mantle*
I have the woeful duty to relay the information I received from a fellow fur
that Stars' Pyre (aka Kevin Hogue) apparently committed suicide at age 19,
on April 4, 2002 at UC Berkeley, falling from one of the school's buildings.
Police are looking into the incident, but have so far declared it a suicide.
Stars' was apparently a member of the Bay Area Furry group, and posted to
I only meet him online once in IRC chat as I remember, as he posted mostly
at alt.fan.dragon as a griffin, still... I consider that he has had friends
here, and believe we too should remember his passing by taking the time to
think of him.
A memorial website has been set up, http://10.wox.org/ and I encourage you
to take a second to visit it and take the time to think good thoughts of
Also some words written by Stars' I found as a very strong note to us all in
these times of hardness and difficulty...
||I just found out about this earlier tonight, and I must say I am deeply
shaken by it... and not for self-glorification, at all... but back a few
days ago, I wrote a post to my LJ that has come back to haunt me, in a way.
I just write on the spur of the moment, all by freepaw... and all of this
post, save for the 2 music quotes, from Super Deluxe and Nickelback, this
was all my writing. How prophetic one can be without even knowing what's to
Humble, I am.
||I was one of the last people Stars Pyre "spoke" to before he made that
fateful decision. I knew he was having a difficult time sorting things
out but had no idea how close he was to the breaking point. You can
imagine my horror when I gave him the online equivalent of a slap on the
back and a hug, told him I would be out of town Saturday and most of
Sunday, but would speak to him on Monday....and then came home to find
he suicided soon after I talked to him.
I don't know what I could have done since I had no idea his life had
reached that inevitable turning point. Maybe I should have left him my
cell phone number. Maybe I shouldn't have gone; perhaps he thought I
was brushing him off or trying to get rid of him. There had to have been
something I could have done. I dropped the ball on this one and now I
can only say that I am sorry and hope I do better the next time.
If you never do anything else, please read the next words I have to say
and take them to heart. I'm speaking as someone who has tried all too
often to cross that final bridge and failed for whatever reasons.
Always, always take talk of suicide seriously. To say that the ones
that talk about it or don't succeed aren't serious or won't do it is a
myth. Don't try the "tough love" crap on them if you aren't going to be
around to monitor the results; you just might push them over the final
edge into oblivion. Sympathy and pity might not be what they need or
what they will respond to, but by the gods, don't lash someone already
in obvious conflict and pain with harsh words and then walk away. Have
the courage to stand by them and finish what you started because you
don't KNOW what affect your words will have on the person in crisis.
I hate the word "threat" in "suicide threat"; it makes it sound as
though these people are playing with their lives and trying to solicit
favors from their friends and family. It also makes the situation sound
a lot less serious than it really is. I don't know what you would call
it, but it isn't a threat. The person talking about killing themselves
feels they have nothing to gain with any other action and so most
standard input (attention, gifts, etc) isn't going to change how they
feel. Treat these comments for what they are --- the preliminary
planning sessions for the taking of a life.
Friends are precious commodities and I didn't have very many of them,
certainly not enough for any of them to consider their lives worth
throwing away. Stars Pyre stood up for me on an important issue once
because he felt I was right even though my side of the argument wasn't
the popular one. I owe him my existence because he understood the
concepts I expressed above and took the time to connect with me at a
crucial moment when things could so easily have gone the other way. I am
alive and able to have an impact on others' lives because he had an
impact on mine through one simple act of kindness. I wish I could have
made him see that; maybe then he wouldn't have been so willing to throw
his life away.
The time for blame and assignment thereof is gone, however, with the
spark that was his life. It is time instead for remembrance.
May Inanna's blessings go with you as you return to the womb and may
your wounds be healed in the Stygian waters that surround the
Summerlands. May you be comforted in death as you were not in life and
when you find life again, I pray our paths cross once more. May the
lessons whose harshness took you from this life with them unlearned be
made less burdonsome and I pray you succeed in attaining your heart's
desire next time around.
You'll be missed and I'll light the way for you at Samhain. I will sing
for you, may your soul find rest in the arms of Her who made you.
||None of us ever leave without leaving a piece of us behind.
Rest in Peace Stars' Pyre... may you rest within the heavens now.
*Bows his head solumnly, an almost unnatural serioussness emanating from
Ooh... so sad... to lose one... but to lose one so young makes the pain
I knew this furre not, yet brother to me was he for we both donned this
mantle of 'furre' and willingly took upon ourselves all the joy... and
sadness that goes with it.
In our time here together we learn... we learn what greatness we are
capable of... and what depravity... We have come so close to finding the
'God Within' that we are discovering that what we concieve, and believe...
eventually we will achieve... and yet still we know not the power of our
word and deed.
I know this furre not... yet still he teaches me... I must strive to
think of what my words and deeds may do for another when I lash out.
There are none amoung us who hasn't felt the sting of life and some of us
have gotten to the point where we think Death is the better solution... Some
of us have even attempted it... ...and some have succeeded in those attemps.
What pride can we take in ourselves to cause someone to take their own
lives? Especially we who think ourselves as 'superior' to the 'base humans'.
I myself will guiltily admit that only a few days ago I had looked at the
roof of my friend's home... then at the ground where not so far away a metal
post lies embedded in the ground from a fence he'd had up and thought 'Oh
how easy to just get a ladder...'
I may yet succumb to my depressions one day... who's to say... but I will
be more thoughtful of how I treat others so that fewer of us wind up walkin'
*takes another white candle and places it upon the mantle then lights it*
|| S'Ok... most times in the cases of suicides very little if any warning is
given... usually because those that call out about wanting to end their
lives are purposely drawing attention to themselves so that, at the very
least they hope someone will prove to them that life is still worth
But when a person finally does decide to seriously end it all that do it
with such suddeness and conviction that they don't want anyone to 'talk them
out of it' or have second thoughts about it... and these decisions can come
sudden at any time! That is why we have to be careful of what we say and how
we act around people who've aready shown that they are suicidal... because
you never now when they'll reach that final straw...
||I knew him also for the chats we had, both on the IRC and ICQ. He wished
me a happy birthday back in October. I'd seen him now and then on the IRC
and lists, and talked with him a few times.
*brings out a small case of white votive candles, takes out one, puts it
to one of the lit ones to light it, and sets it near the others, and puts
a hearing aid battery in front of the candle. After a little thought,
takes out a long sparkler from the box, and lights it, inserting the
sparkler in a small hole between the bricks and mantle*
||*lights a bright candle for our dearly missed furry friend*
Rest in peace, Stars' Pyre.
*moment of silence*
||I agree with you there but I think it is possable that you can talk someone
out of suicide but unfortunaly, the timing has to be right. If to say that
you were out shoping and your friend called for a last chat, that chance is
gone and you feel like " Only If I Stayed Home ". There is no feeling like
that, the only things that campares to that lonely feeling I would guess is
death its self. But, If you were home and you did get that call, I do
beleave that death can be avoided and that person can go through life with a
better feeling of him or her self. I have unfortunatly have experaince both
phone calls. Its not something that I wish apon anyone ,but I do have one
friend that well not think about suicide again : )
||That poor kid. I felt so bad when I read that email and it said that he
killed him self. I never met him but still I felt a sharp pain in my heart
and I cried and I felt so bad for the rest of the day. I called in to work
and said that I was not coming in today. I kind of know what he was going
threw in fact killed my self a few months ago. I had my shot gun at home and
I was depressed about a lot of things and I thought that death was the only
way I was in my bedroom with my gun to my head just sitting there thinking…
Then I realized all the things I have not did like go to my first furry
convention, not experienced yiff and I realized that I had different options
besides death. I am sorry if this disturbs any body but I have to tell
someone but I am doing better now mostly thanks to a thing called Furry. If
I have not found out about furry I would probable be dead now because I felt
that no one loved me and no one accepted me for whom I am. But furry gives
me a since of family, love, and most of all I feel accepted for who I am.
I am doing a lot better know and I don’t think about killing myself any more
and my parents know about me being a furry and they are getting over it.
THANK YOU MY FELLOW FURS;
Mostly i want to thank tyger becuase he listend to what i had to say and he
help me with stuff. And he cared
Rest in peace Stars' Pyre
You will be in my heart for ever
It is so sad that you had to die but you are in a better place now.
We will miss you.
||*simply and quietly, a golden brown fured cougar pads up, places a white
candle, turns, and leaves, a silent tear runing from hsi eye*